Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
