Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
did you just send me my own nude
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
