so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
