If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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