Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Drunk is not a location!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize