wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
