Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize