the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
