So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
