what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Do vagina's smell?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
