We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
