Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
