I want to have your abortion
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
