god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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