I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
