I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
