were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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