You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
