It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
