I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm jealous of your bromance
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
