I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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