i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
