my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
His hands were made for my vagina.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
