yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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