Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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