He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
