He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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