WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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