Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
