Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
