She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
