I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
