You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
