My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
