what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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