May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is Oprah even human
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
