Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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