i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
