I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
