i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
