I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
