After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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