you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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