Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
