I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
