I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
