oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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