Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
