dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
