I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
