I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
