I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
