I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
