Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
