Three words: puerto rican gang bang
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
