also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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