Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
