haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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