HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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