you would pick up someone in the library
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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