awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
