I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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