I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
