Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
