Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
