He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
